Saturday, April 8, 2017

I'm So Sorry ...

I went to a big-screen showing of 2001: A Space Odyssey this past Monday, and for some reason, I started imagining the alternate reality where Pete the Retailer and Alex Robinson from Star Wars Minute did their podcast about Kubrick's masterpiece instead of Lucas's.

With no further ado ...

Highlights from 2001: A Space Odyssey Minute

Minute 1

(Theme music: disco version of "Also Sprach Zarathustra")

PTR: Hello, and welcome to 2001: A Space Odyssey Minute -- the daily podcast where we analyze, scrutinize, and celebrate Stanley Kubrick's masterpiece, 2001: A Space Odyssey. I'm Pete the Retailer, from petetheretailer.com.

Alex: And I'm Alex Robinson, from comicbookalex.com.

PTR: Today, we'll be talking about minute one of 2001: A Space Odyssey. Minute one begins with a completely black screen showing while a bunch of really strange music plays, and it ends one minute later with a completely black screen showing while a bunch of really strange music plays.

Alex: This is some really strange music.

PTR: That it is. You know, the movie was originally scored by composer Alex North, but Kubrick decided at the last minute to throw North's music out and replace it with classical and contemporary orchestral music.

Alex: I did not know that.

(20 minutes later)

PTR: ... then join us tomorrow for another 2001: A Space Odyssey Minute.

Alex (crosstalk): 2001: A Space Odyssey Minute.

Minute 2

(Theme music: disco version of "Also Sprach Zarathustra")

Alex: Welcome back to 2001: A Space Odyssey Minute -- the daily podcast where we analyze, scrutinize, and celebrate Stanley Kubrick's masterpiece, 2001: A Space Odyssey. I'm Alex Robinson, from comicbookalex.com.

PTR: And I'm Pete the Retailer, from petetheretailer.com.

Alex: Today, we'll be talking about minute two of 2001: A Space Odyssey. Minute two begins with a completely black screen showing while a bunch of really strange music plays, and it ends one minute later with a completely black screen showing while a bunch of really strange music plays.

(18 minutes later)

Alex: ... then join us tomorrow for another 2001: A Space Odyssey Minute.

PTR (crosstalk): 2001: A Space Odyssey Minute.

Minute 6

(Theme music: disco version of "Also Sprach Zarathustra")

Alex: Welcome back to 2001: A Space Odyssey Minute -- the daily podcast where we analyze, scrutinize, and celebrate Stanley Kubrick's masterpiece, 2001: A Space Odyssey. I'm Alex Robinson, from comicbookalex.com.

PTR: And I'm Pete the Retailer, from petetheretailer.com.

ToCo: And I'm Tony Consiglio, from mini-comics such as Double-Cross!

Alex: Thanks for joining us today, Tony. We're glad you could make it.

ToCo: My pleasure. Now, am I getting this right? Are we talking about a different minute each day?

PTR: Yes, that's right.

ToCo: Because the DVD you sent me -- it just had the same thing 5 times, and no video.

Alex: Well, we'll get to that. So, to set the stage, today, we'll be talking about minute six of 2001: A Space Odyssey. Minute six begins with a completely black screen showing while a bunch of really strange music plays, and it ends one minute later with a completely black screen showing while a bunch of really strange music plays.

ToCo: Now, let me tell you, when it comes to a movie screen, Kubrick really knows how to paint it black.

Alex: Wrong podcast.

(20 minutes later)

Alex: So, Tony, will you be able to join us again tomorrow?

ToCo: Um, couldn't you just replay today's episode? Like, four more times?

PTR: I'm afraid that's not how we do it.

ToCo: Okay, if you say so.

Alex: 2001: A Space Odyssey Minute

PTR (crosstalk): 2001: A Space Odyssey Minute

ToCo (delayed): 2001 ... A Space Odyssey ... Geez, by the end of the week, I'll be dead!

Minute 14

(Theme music: disco version of "Also Sprach Zarathustra")

Alex: Welcome back to 2001: A Space Odyssey Minute -- the daily podcast where we analyze, scrutinize, and celebrate Stanley Kubrick's masterpiece, 2001: A Space Odyssey. I'm Alex Robinson, from comicbookalex.com.

PTR: And I'm Pete the Retailer, from petetheretailer.com.

Josh: And I'm Josh Flanagan, of the upcoming Goodfellas Minute podcast.

Alex: My hat's off too you, Josh. I don't know how you guys are going to do that. I mean, sooo much happens in every minute of Goodfellas. Your episodes are going to be hours long.

Josh: Well, we're going to give it a go. You guys really inspired us.

Alex: Today, we're talking about minute 14 of 2001: A Space Odyssey. Minute 14 begins with the sun rising on the horizon, and ends one minute later, with a bunch of ape-men sitting around a water hole.

PTR: I know the first three days were tough, Josh, but a lot happens in today's minute.

Alex: Action packed.

Josh: I was getting pretty tired of sunrises, so this minute was a relief.

...

Minute 18:

PTR: Today's episode of 2001: A Space Odyssey Minute is brought to you by Hallo Fresh.

(jaunty advertising music)

Alex: Hey, Pete! What's that amazing smell?

PTR: I just finished making dinner.

Alex: Mmmm! Flat trays of orange stuff, green stuff, brown stuff, and yellow stuff! My favorite!

PTR: Careful, don't burn your fingers. Those are right out of the heating unit.

Alex: Wow, this is so much better than those old space meals that we had to drink through straws. How did you make such an amazing meal?

PTR (aside to audience): Should I tell him? Should I tell him these trays of stuff came from Hallo Fresh? No, I'd better keep it secret.

Alex: Come on, Pete, tell me how!

PTR: I'm afraid I can't do that, Alex.

(Theme music: disco version of "Also Sprach Zarathustra")

...

Alex: Today, we're talking about minute 18 of 2001: A Space Odyssey. Minute 18 begins with the  ape-men sitting around their water hole, and it ends exactly 60 seconds later with the  ape-men sitting around their water hole.

...

Minute 56

(Theme music: disco version of "Also Sprach Zarathustra")

Alex: Welcome back to 2001: A Space Odyssey Minute -- the daily podcast where we analyze, scrutinize, and celebrate Stanley Kubrick's masterpiece, 2001: A Space Odyssey. I'm Alex Robinson, from comicbookalex.com.

PTR: And I'm Pete the Retailer, from petetheretailer.com.

Jacob Siroff: And I'm Jacob Siroff, from ihatestanelykubrick.com.

Alex: Today, we're talking about minute 56 of 2001: A Space Odyssey. Minute 56 begins with the camera slowly tracking along the length of the U.S.S. Discovery One to the solemn strains of Gayane's Adagio, and ends one minute later with the camera slowly tracking along the length of the U.S.S. Discovery One to the solemn strains of Gayane's Adagio.

PTR: We're really glad you could join us, Jacob.

Alex: And what a minute to start off with! This is the controversial third straight minute of the camera tracking along the length of Discovery. Any thoughts?

Jacob Siroff: Okay, so, like every other minute of this movie, this one just proves that 2001 is one of the worst movies ever made. And by that I mean, it's a Kubrick movie. To me, there's Kubrick, and then there's all other horrible movies ever in the entirety of history.

PTR: Wow. That's an unusual stance.

Jacob Siroff: I don't care. And if anyone says any different, I'm going to prove them 100% wrong.

...


Minute 72

(Theme music: disco version of "Also Sprach Zarathustra")

Alex: Welcome back to 2001: A Space Odyssey Minute -- the daily podcast where we analyze, scrutinize, and celebrate Stanley Kubrick's masterpiece, 2001: A Space Odyssey. I'm Alex Robinson, from comicbookalex.com.

PTR: And I'm Pete the Retailer, from petetheretailer.com.

Chris R: And I'm Chris Radtke of the Wookie Dance Party podcast.

Alex: Today, we're discussing minute 72 of 2001: A Space Odyssey. Minute 72 begins with Astronauts David Bowman and Frank Pool eating different colors of goo from rectangular trays, and it ends one minute later with Hal 9000 saying that he first came online in the year 1992.

PTR: 92.

Alex: So, Chris, any opinions on just what it is that the astronauts are eating?

Chris R: I can't tell. But it kinda looks like garbage.

...

Minute 143


(Theme music: disco version of "Also Sprach Zarathustra")

PTR: Welcome back to 2001: A Space Odyssey Minute -- the daily podcast where we analyze, scrutinize, and Hal gets lobotomized --

Alex: (laughter)

PTR: Stanley Kubrick's masterpiece, 2001: A Space Odyssey.

What's in There?

Discussion on the ever-entertaining Star Wars Minute Listener's Society page on Facebook recently turned to J.J. Abrams' Ted Talk about the "Mystery Box." Consensus seemed to be that the talk exemplified a problematic side of Abrams as a filmmaker -- an emphasis on mystery over substance and a habitual technique of keeping the audience in the dark without providing payoff for the many unknowns he introduces to hook the viewer's curiosity.

I certainly have occasional nits to pick with most of Abrams' work, and his Revolution show was an abomination of television. However, I love The Force Awakens, really enjoyed Lost and Super 8, and felt he had a 50-50 record with Star Trek. And the elements I have disliked in his work had nothing to do with mysteries and everything to do with good old-fashioned dumbness. So I figured I'd better check out this Mystery Box talk and see what everyone was going on about.

(SPOILERS! Hereafter, I give away pretty much the whole Ted Talk, so you might want to view it first.)

In a nutshell, Abrams presents the Ted audience with a box from a magic shop he and his grandfather used to frequent. It's a "Mystery Box" purportedly containing over $50 of magic for only $15. He's kept it all these years as a reminder of his grandfather, and has never opened it. He likes the sense of design of the box and enjoys having it around, but if he opened it, the mystery would be gone.

The takeaway for most people on SWMLS seemed to be that Abrams was saying that what's inside a creative work isn't important. Rather, having a cool exterior and a sense of mystery is sufficient.

It seems like a really terrible analogy for storytelling, if one has any respect for the audience and for art as a means of expressing truths.

Another criticism of the talk was that it just kind of rambled along and never really went anywhere. Abrams never brought the analogy to a clear moment of focus, never explained exactly what he meant by it. He just put it out there and surrounded it with some clever anecdotes and funny jokes and talked a bit aimlessly about the creative process, storytelling, etc.

But here's the thing. J.J. Abrams' "Mystery Box" Ted Talk is itself a Mystery Box.

What do I mean by this? Well, Abrams is very direct about the fact that the actual contents of the box don't really matter. But he's also very direct about the fact that the box itself is tremendously meaningful to him. As a collection of objects, pieces put together by the magic shop owner, it's just a bunch of stuff. But in the context of his relationship with his grandfather, it becomes a quasi-religious relic for him, a symbol of great importance that he has invested with immense personal significance.

In other words, the Mystery Box is much more than the sum of its parts, because Abrams uses it to represent something deeply human and unattainable. His grandfather is dead -- there's no way to bring the man back. As a result, opening up the box and seeing the knick-knacks and tricks inside would only diminish the memories it stands for.

Creative work is the same way. Writing, filmmaking, art ... all of these consist of simple tricks and nonsense. Words. Special effects. Imagery that specifically creates a false sense of reality. The inside of the box may be a $50 value, but only from the perspective of the retail customer. Wholesale, it must have cost less than the $15 price, and since the shop owner probably couldn't move that particular merchandise otherwise, he was actually losing money by keeping it on his shelves. But dressed up in mystery, it took on greater value.

More importantly, J.J. Abrams' act of buying the box as a means of paying tribute to his grandfather gives it far more than $50 worth of value.

And sharing the humanity of that act with his Ted Talk audience spreads this deeper meaning farther still.

This is what creative people do. We take words and objects and make them into things with human meaning beyond what they previously possessed. Abrams' meaning of remembering his grandfather is far more substantial than the shopkeeper's meaning of increasing store revenues. But he wouldn't have had that meaning without the shopkeeper's earlier creative act of repackaging excess stock.

So why didn't Abrams come out and explain these aspects of his analogy?

Because his job as a creator isn't to tell us what to think. It's to give us the opportunity to find meaning in the world, beauty that we can translate into personal value.

His presentation was itself a Mystery Box. If he opened it up for us, he'd be doing the exact opposite of what he was talking about.